Education in the Eyes of Women

"Dear friends, on 9 October 2012, the Taliban shot me on the left side of my forehead. They shot my friends, too. They thought that the bullets would silence us, but they failed. And out of that silence came thousands of voices. The terrorists thought they would change my aims and stop my ambitions. But nothing changed in my life except this: weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born. I am the same Malala. My ambitions are the same. My hopes are the same. And my dreams are the same. Dear sisters and brothers, I am not against anyone. Neither am I here to speak in terms of personal revenge against the Taliban or any other terrorist group. I am here to speak for the right of education for every child. I want education for the sons and daughters of the Taliban and all the terrorists and extremists. I do not even hate the Talib who shot me.

Even if there was a gun in my hand and he was standing in front of me, I would not shoot him. This is the compassion I have learned from Mohamed, the prophet of mercy, Jesus Christ and Lord Buddha. This the legacy of change I have inherited from Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Mohammed Ali Jinnah."

- Malala Yousefzai

The message that was delivered today to the world should inspire us all.  After a long struggle against the Talaban, Malala fully recovered from her wounds and has gratefully returned to speak of the rights of everyone,especially women. 

I can not emphasize enough the power of this message as many of us have the privilege to educate ourselves and especially our daughters but do not take advantage of that. Growing up from an environment that didn't value  education,  I've learned that regardless of the criticism, education was  always prioritized. My story to the world isn't special like Malala's because I was privileged to have my brothers who have fought for my education even if they were criticized. I believe that many of us should look at Malala. We should admire her. She has reminds us  not to take the smallest things(for many) for granted.  

Even in the year 2013, we still live in a time where a woman's education isn't valued as much. As one of my family members would say to diminish the value of my studies," you'll husband will need you in kitchen. There is no need for an education. " Also with criticism and sarcasm," Where are you gonna hang your diploma? In the kitchen?"  You do not understand the damage it does to our daughters when one of the only things she'll have as form of protection is her education. Education will teach her to be independent, to raise her children, to educate them. It will teach her to plant in the world seeds of hope and change.  As Malala said," one child, one teacher, one book  and one pen can change the world."  

I've came across people who do not value education simply because they want to belittle their women. They want women to be inferior to them so that they take control. I tell them that this is not your right. It is not your right to put a woman in a box where she is not allowed to speak her mind freely. It isn't your say. 

When the Quran came down to Prophet Muhamamd, one of the first words Angel Gabriel said to the prophet, " Read! In the name of your Lord who created: 96:2 He created man from a clinging form. 96:3 Read! Your Lord Is the Most Bountiful One." There was no emphasis on gender.  God did not put a women under you to control her nor did he write you both for each other to abuse her. He gave you a pearl that you need to love and respect-hold with kindness. Allah could have created an animal who would have obeyed you  regardless. He could have created an animal that would bow down to you. He chose to create a woman from you so that you protect her. She was created from you.  Even if you do not love her as the verse says," On the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike something and Allah will bring about through it a great deal of good. (4:19)  Allah has even given her rights even if you do not love her.  He ordered you to respect her numerously in the Quran and Hadith.

 I'm saddened that hope was given to Malala by people who do not hold the same book Muslims do, especially when the Quran and Hadith have both greatly emphasized the power of education for both genders.  I'm saddened because Islam has protected our rights-our rights of education, inheritance and especially our right to be respected regardless of the circumstance, but some of our men are acting on a culture that doesn't define them or the Islamic values-they are forgetting that a woman's education is equivalent to tons of pearls. 

Mental and Physical Abuse in Muslim Communities

Before you read this, please keep in mind to be open-minded. I’m not referring to all Muslims or Arabs! In every community, there is some kind of abuse. I wanted to document it. Pray for change!

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I didn't know what to say when my friend finally confessed  that after five long years of marriage, her husband abuses her. She began to address her concerns by constantly reassuring herself that she isn't speaking behind his back and that he is a good husband. She gave me a list of good things he provides for her, which for me were unfortunately a necessity or an obligation that a human being would give to an animal, like food and shelter. Our conversation went back and forth which to me seemed so long and painful. I wanted to document our conversation as I am sure many women would relate and hope that we can change our approaches so that we are not belittled as the many women I know.  

" Hey, please don't you think I'm a bad wife. I just need someone to talk to."

" Don't you worry" I said to her.

" I never told anyone this and never will, but you're the first person I thought of. I need to get to it out of my system" It sounded like her throat has been stuffed with pain.

" He speaks of other women in my presence. How my friends are more beautiful. Does your husband do that?" I didn't know what to say.

" Well, what do you mean?" I said.

" He keeps telling me that one of my friends is physically beautiful. That she has A, B AND C. Is it wrong? Does your husband do that?" Again, she asks.

" Well, no. What did you say?"

" Well, it's killing me. Everytime we talk, it seems like an endless battle. I don't feel loved. I'm basically his maid. Once, he grabbed me by my hair because I refused to keep quiet about our relationship and how his family may be the reason we fight a lot since they get involved. He pulled me down the stairs saying that I am never satisfied- that everything he does will never make me happy."

" He told me to get out of the house so I grabbed my daughter and ran out the door assuring him that he will never see me again. He told his brothers that I can leave the house but I couldn't take my daughter with me. I told him that she is mine and that I'm going to to take her.  Both of his brothers stood by the door as I begged them to give me daughter back. At last, his parents came home and asked about the problem. I told his parents of the situation."

" Listen, he isn't bad." I could hear her reassuring herself for the 10th time.

" Well, then what happened?" I asked.

" His mother told me that  while she was gone, I was to clean, cook and look after his brothers whom were older than me. I did everything she asked even though I didn’t agree.  I did it because I loved my husband and didn’t want problems but when her sons complained about me saying that I didn’t cook a proper meal for them, I exploded by telling her that I do what I do out of love for my husband and that I’m not obligated. Do you want to hear what she said to me?”

" She said that she thought she had a good daughter in law and that I disappointed her."

I exploded.

When it began:

• There was more wrong than good and the base core of the issue started long before she was married. She married her husband willingly but with a consequence. She married him to escape from her parents whom,both, very careless about her education( which I believe to be her weapon).  
• It began when her mother raised her to think that she must always fall under her husband because she belongs to him.   She must learn how to cook and clean to meet the needs of her husband. Her mother taught her that her only way in life is  through the kitchen.  I’m not saying that we do not have an obligation. Yes, we do. Our duties are divided between our spouses, thus you do have an obligation. An obligation to raise your kids, to feed them, to take care of them  but this comes naturally because you work as a team. He has an obligation to respect and support you. He has an obligation to treat you well. He has a responsibility of respecting you and your children because Islam has ordered him. In the following two verses, Allah reminds us of the following:

• "Among His signs is the fact that he has created spouses from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquillity with them; and he has put love and mercy between you. In that are signs for people who reflect."

[Qur’an 30:21]

• They (wives) are garments for you, while you are garments for them."

[Qur’an 2:187]

• I believe that the core issue of our problems is that we are constantly thinking that we must always carry tremendous patience because God has naturally created us patient. I do not agree to that.  We become victims because we allow men to think that we must remain patient regardless of the situation because we are weaker by being women. We begin to force ourselves to doubt the abuse because we think that if we are disrespected by our men it is natural since they carry the natural trait of being ill-tempered and we must always be patient. We allow men to disrespect us by allowing it to always happen. Our women think that this isn’t damaging our societies when as a matter of fact, we are doing more. If we continue allowing ourselves to be belittled, our younger sisters will think that it becomes her obligation to be the victim in the relationship and she will think that abuse is the natural part of being married. You must understand that your decisions will also affect the community and our societies.

            According to the Quran, men and women have the same spirit,  there is no superiority in the spiritual sense between men and women. (Quran 4:1, 7:189, 42:11)

• A lot of women think that  we must shower men with gifts even after we are abused as my friend mentioned. She had showered him with gifts even after he humiliated her. You do not reward a person for humiliating you. You must earn respect and have respect for yourself. There is great emphasis in the Quran and Hadith how men should love women and respect them. In the following hadith the prophet informs the husbands:

• “The most perfect in faith amongst believers is he who is best in manners and kindest to his wife.” (Abu Dawud)

• You must know and understand your right and obligations, if you do not understand your rights and obligations, you will forever be a victim.

To the brothers, please remember the following:

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Apostle (PBUH) as saying:

He who believes in Allah and the Hereagyer, if he witnesses any matter he should talk in good terms about it or keep quiet. Act kindly towards women, for a women was created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it’s crookedness will remain there. So act kindly towards women.