"Mom, you are my superhero."

As mothers, we often feel like we lose pieces of ourselves in the process of raising our children. Many times I find myself questioning if what I'm doing with my son right. I find myself guilty of many things that I wish I can change-- things like maybe I should not have gotten out with the girls for a movie, because I lost two hours of time that I could have spent with him, or I should not have given him that piece of candy today; it will affect his teeth.

So often, we think we do not have it under control: we cry, laugh, cry, call a best friend for advice, laugh again, call a mother for advice, call a sister for advice-- we think we could be better-- We go out to gatherings to visit family and friends and get so bothered when they throw a fit or insist on having it their way in front of them.

When we spend some time on our phones and feel so terribly about it, because we should have spent more time doing something like finger painting or read a story.

Peoples' judgements of our children make it worse for many of us. We feel like we can never meet up to expectations, and ironically most judgments come from women who have grown kids and have perhaps forgotten that they also raised kids. And many times also, it is from people with no kids who simply can not understand that not all children are alike.

Thinking you lost yourself as an individual is common but not many women admit it because, in some way, women feel less of mothers when they admit that motherhood can be really difficult, especially in our time.

Perhaps you don't have it completely under control; you are right, and that is totally okay. I think as a mother, I need to remind constantly myself that my kid is a kid, and I cannot, in any way, mold him into a society whose expectation of children is always to behave perfectly. I assure myself and assure you that it is okay for him to make a mess sometimes, turn the vacuum on (which currently he is doing when I specifically said no). It is okay that you just get completed exhausted and need a break. It is okay that you need your "me time." I'm also teaching myself that it is okay to ask family or friends for help.

Many times people who have mutual responsibilities are most that can understand you, so when you need a lift after a hard day, call your friend and say," Hey, I'm really tired, can you babysit today?" Or," Hey, I need advice, what did you do when..." It is okay to feel tired, to admit you are tired, many times admitting it may help you hear," me too!"

I think common misconceptions about motherhood, which I'm also so guilty of, is that we so often think we lose pieces of ourselves. In reality, we never lose pieces of ourselves, we just pass them on to our children and in many times, they blossom right back at us when they hug us after a long day, kiss us when we are crying, tap on our backs when they think we are choking.

You didn't lose you! You are still you and when you think you've lost you again, remember you will always have him to remind you how beautiful and complete you are even when you don't feel it.

Dear Ziado,

You taught me how to love

how to speak so soft

How to sing when the night is dark-

taught me how to love like I've never known before.

You made me cry many times!

While I waited for your tears to stop

I continued to hold you

and continued to assure you that I still love you

and I wish you knew before you assumed 

that even when you turned my days blue

I still and will forever love you.

You come between your father and I-

Kick me side ways on bed while you cry

And here I am, waking up rocking you in chair.

And many times, I want to pull my hair 

Cause  I swear

I miss your father,too.

but your tears tell me that you miss me, too.

You smile so wide

and cry so sudden

then smile again

With your teeth showing

And giggle with that smile

And here I am, up while

you sleep
treasuring the moments before I begin to weep.

Cause soon, you'll be gone

Just remember son, 

I'll be here

And if not in the present, then always in your thoughts.

Cause that's where we'll meet forever.

I'll always be here! I promise!

 Just call on me, Mama! 

and I'll be sure to make you realize,

I'm always in your prayers 

wherever you are

And wherever I am

I'll always be there

Cause kid, you are my child. 

Terrified girl typing. Hello! That's me!

I've thought long and when I mean long, I mean taweel-long. I've struggled to speak in public my entire life and not speaking has gotten it worse. I was outspoken in  school, clubs, family gatherings but just speaking in public, in front of so many unfamiliar faces,I panicked. 

Today, I want to it to be official.  I want to start sharing my ideas, thoughts and well, almost everything about the Hijabi life of mine.  I want to start here, in a public place to the public world and maybe, one day I can tell my kid and completely believe it,  that it's not so hard.  :) 

A Message to the Woman Behind the Screen,

I decided to start blogging because I've finally concluded that I needed to. Believe it or not, at 2:12 a.m, I decided to get out bed and write because I need to get started somewhere. Tomorrow morning, I'll wake up complaining of sleep deprivation and the next, so that I would be able to wake up early for Ziado and I still wouldn't listen. I guess, I figured what it that that is really keeping me from sleeping-

Perhaps, I heard voices in my head. If starting here means you'll read and know that many people are writing for you, you'd be encouraged. You'd be encouraged to be who you are, whatever you may be, with whoever you dream of being. 

Perhaps, I can start by telling you. Do not be afraid. Be strong!   

And convince myself what I'm hoping to convince you. Together. Here. 

-NaMusa 

Education in the Eyes of Women

"Dear friends, on 9 October 2012, the Taliban shot me on the left side of my forehead. They shot my friends, too. They thought that the bullets would silence us, but they failed. And out of that silence came thousands of voices. The terrorists thought they would change my aims and stop my ambitions. But nothing changed in my life except this: weakness, fear and hopelessness died. Strength, power and courage was born. I am the same Malala. My ambitions are the same. My hopes are the same. And my dreams are the same. Dear sisters and brothers, I am not against anyone. Neither am I here to speak in terms of personal revenge against the Taliban or any other terrorist group. I am here to speak for the right of education for every child. I want education for the sons and daughters of the Taliban and all the terrorists and extremists. I do not even hate the Talib who shot me.

Even if there was a gun in my hand and he was standing in front of me, I would not shoot him. This is the compassion I have learned from Mohamed, the prophet of mercy, Jesus Christ and Lord Buddha. This the legacy of change I have inherited from Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Mohammed Ali Jinnah."

- Malala Yousefzai

The message that was delivered today to the world should inspire us all.  After a long struggle against the Talaban, Malala fully recovered from her wounds and has gratefully returned to speak of the rights of everyone,especially women. 

I can not emphasize enough the power of this message as many of us have the privilege to educate ourselves and especially our daughters but do not take advantage of that. Growing up from an environment that didn't value  education,  I've learned that regardless of the criticism, education was  always prioritized. My story to the world isn't special like Malala's because I was privileged to have my brothers who have fought for my education even if they were criticized. I believe that many of us should look at Malala. We should admire her. She has reminds us  not to take the smallest things(for many) for granted.  

Even in the year 2013, we still live in a time where a woman's education isn't valued as much. As one of my family members would say to diminish the value of my studies," you'll husband will need you in kitchen. There is no need for an education. " Also with criticism and sarcasm," Where are you gonna hang your diploma? In the kitchen?"  You do not understand the damage it does to our daughters when one of the only things she'll have as form of protection is her education. Education will teach her to be independent, to raise her children, to educate them. It will teach her to plant in the world seeds of hope and change.  As Malala said," one child, one teacher, one book  and one pen can change the world."  

I've came across people who do not value education simply because they want to belittle their women. They want women to be inferior to them so that they take control. I tell them that this is not your right. It is not your right to put a woman in a box where she is not allowed to speak her mind freely. It isn't your say. 

When the Quran came down to Prophet Muhamamd, one of the first words Angel Gabriel said to the prophet, " Read! In the name of your Lord who created: 96:2 He created man from a clinging form. 96:3 Read! Your Lord Is the Most Bountiful One." There was no emphasis on gender.  God did not put a women under you to control her nor did he write you both for each other to abuse her. He gave you a pearl that you need to love and respect-hold with kindness. Allah could have created an animal who would have obeyed you  regardless. He could have created an animal that would bow down to you. He chose to create a woman from you so that you protect her. She was created from you.  Even if you do not love her as the verse says," On the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike something and Allah will bring about through it a great deal of good. (4:19)  Allah has even given her rights even if you do not love her.  He ordered you to respect her numerously in the Quran and Hadith.

 I'm saddened that hope was given to Malala by people who do not hold the same book Muslims do, especially when the Quran and Hadith have both greatly emphasized the power of education for both genders.  I'm saddened because Islam has protected our rights-our rights of education, inheritance and especially our right to be respected regardless of the circumstance, but some of our men are acting on a culture that doesn't define them or the Islamic values-they are forgetting that a woman's education is equivalent to tons of pearls. 

Mental and Physical Abuse in Muslim Communities

Before you read this, please keep in mind to be open-minded. I’m not referring to all Muslims or Arabs! In every community, there is some kind of abuse. I wanted to document it. Pray for change!

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I didn't know what to say when my friend finally confessed  that after five long years of marriage, her husband abuses her. She began to address her concerns by constantly reassuring herself that she isn't speaking behind his back and that he is a good husband. She gave me a list of good things he provides for her, which for me were unfortunately a necessity or an obligation that a human being would give to an animal, like food and shelter. Our conversation went back and forth which to me seemed so long and painful. I wanted to document our conversation as I am sure many women would relate and hope that we can change our approaches so that we are not belittled as the many women I know.  

" Hey, please don't you think I'm a bad wife. I just need someone to talk to."

" Don't you worry" I said to her.

" I never told anyone this and never will, but you're the first person I thought of. I need to get to it out of my system" It sounded like her throat has been stuffed with pain.

" He speaks of other women in my presence. How my friends are more beautiful. Does your husband do that?" I didn't know what to say.

" Well, what do you mean?" I said.

" He keeps telling me that one of my friends is physically beautiful. That she has A, B AND C. Is it wrong? Does your husband do that?" Again, she asks.

" Well, no. What did you say?"

" Well, it's killing me. Everytime we talk, it seems like an endless battle. I don't feel loved. I'm basically his maid. Once, he grabbed me by my hair because I refused to keep quiet about our relationship and how his family may be the reason we fight a lot since they get involved. He pulled me down the stairs saying that I am never satisfied- that everything he does will never make me happy."

" He told me to get out of the house so I grabbed my daughter and ran out the door assuring him that he will never see me again. He told his brothers that I can leave the house but I couldn't take my daughter with me. I told him that she is mine and that I'm going to to take her.  Both of his brothers stood by the door as I begged them to give me daughter back. At last, his parents came home and asked about the problem. I told his parents of the situation."

" Listen, he isn't bad." I could hear her reassuring herself for the 10th time.

" Well, then what happened?" I asked.

" His mother told me that  while she was gone, I was to clean, cook and look after his brothers whom were older than me. I did everything she asked even though I didn’t agree.  I did it because I loved my husband and didn’t want problems but when her sons complained about me saying that I didn’t cook a proper meal for them, I exploded by telling her that I do what I do out of love for my husband and that I’m not obligated. Do you want to hear what she said to me?”

" She said that she thought she had a good daughter in law and that I disappointed her."

I exploded.

When it began:

• There was more wrong than good and the base core of the issue started long before she was married. She married her husband willingly but with a consequence. She married him to escape from her parents whom,both, very careless about her education( which I believe to be her weapon).  
• It began when her mother raised her to think that she must always fall under her husband because she belongs to him.   She must learn how to cook and clean to meet the needs of her husband. Her mother taught her that her only way in life is  through the kitchen.  I’m not saying that we do not have an obligation. Yes, we do. Our duties are divided between our spouses, thus you do have an obligation. An obligation to raise your kids, to feed them, to take care of them  but this comes naturally because you work as a team. He has an obligation to respect and support you. He has an obligation to treat you well. He has a responsibility of respecting you and your children because Islam has ordered him. In the following two verses, Allah reminds us of the following:

• "Among His signs is the fact that he has created spouses from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquillity with them; and he has put love and mercy between you. In that are signs for people who reflect."

[Qur’an 30:21]

• They (wives) are garments for you, while you are garments for them."

[Qur’an 2:187]

• I believe that the core issue of our problems is that we are constantly thinking that we must always carry tremendous patience because God has naturally created us patient. I do not agree to that.  We become victims because we allow men to think that we must remain patient regardless of the situation because we are weaker by being women. We begin to force ourselves to doubt the abuse because we think that if we are disrespected by our men it is natural since they carry the natural trait of being ill-tempered and we must always be patient. We allow men to disrespect us by allowing it to always happen. Our women think that this isn’t damaging our societies when as a matter of fact, we are doing more. If we continue allowing ourselves to be belittled, our younger sisters will think that it becomes her obligation to be the victim in the relationship and she will think that abuse is the natural part of being married. You must understand that your decisions will also affect the community and our societies.

            According to the Quran, men and women have the same spirit,  there is no superiority in the spiritual sense between men and women. (Quran 4:1, 7:189, 42:11)

• A lot of women think that  we must shower men with gifts even after we are abused as my friend mentioned. She had showered him with gifts even after he humiliated her. You do not reward a person for humiliating you. You must earn respect and have respect for yourself. There is great emphasis in the Quran and Hadith how men should love women and respect them. In the following hadith the prophet informs the husbands:

• “The most perfect in faith amongst believers is he who is best in manners and kindest to his wife.” (Abu Dawud)

• You must know and understand your right and obligations, if you do not understand your rights and obligations, you will forever be a victim.

To the brothers, please remember the following:

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Apostle (PBUH) as saying:

He who believes in Allah and the Hereagyer, if he witnesses any matter he should talk in good terms about it or keep quiet. Act kindly towards women, for a women was created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it’s crookedness will remain there. So act kindly towards women.

Delivering a Hopeful Message

I've read many statuses, posts and comments on how yesterday's Arab Idol shouldn't have gotten the attention it had and that it was disgraceful. I wanted to note to all of you something I find very important. Regardless of the circumstances in the Arab world and in Palestine alone, Assaf has done something that many were incapable of doing. As we know, there are thousands of people capable of singing, however not many could deliver a message that is both meaningful and inspiring. I was not a fan of Arab Idol and thought that those watching it were wasting their time until I watched the final episode and noticed that this actually could bring change. It actually changed something, it has not only given the Palestinians something to smile about. Assaf was capable of reminding them that they,too, can use their talent and bring change to the world by something they could easily afford and that they could do something about the occupation besides fight it, which is to deliver a hopeful message,if not by their voice, then through their writings, photos and songs.

 If not with your voice, where do you plan to start?